Just

I guess the only thing to do right now is just to move forward…

 

medicine, its hard… earlier i just sat on two finals exams of a subject im taking now for the second time, and as im sitting there i know, ive failed again knowing full well that this time i did not lack the effort the subjects are wanting since the last time i took it… past forward to after i finished the first test i ate a snack, went up the room to wait for the next test and a friend of mine come up to me and said that he saw some other people had a copy of exam…

now let me tell you thats normal in medicine you have practice exams we call samplexes, so you can you know practice, but some people like holding on to it so its kind of secretive and sometimes you went get a copy… my problem with that right now is theres no point in telling me other people has it i know already… anyway… im ranting… lets past forward again… to the exam that i would probably pass if ive taken it first, but since im feeling bad, and a little bi polar… i slept for thirty minutes before actually answering it like the shit i am… i dont reread the questions, i just straight up answered without thinking about it.

after that, i went back to my apartment, took off my uniform, brought down my cushion from the bed frame and just slept for 8 hours, woke up at 6 pm held my phone and talked to my classmates about that shit of an exam and went out bought caramel fudge with rock salt and cheese, sisig and two bottles of beer… started a movie (btw, im watching the second movie now) and just looked at my tv… LOOKED… cried a little, ate… and i chatted my friend up again about stuff, and he asked me if i have another exam coming up, i told him, yes on friday… and arent we going back to our study place tomorrow, and he said yeah, hell go there at 8 am…

and this just came to me now, that even though life in medicine is hard and you say almost everyday and feel almost everyday how much you want to quit, you just dont…

here we are,

me, im drinking light and watching a movie trying to chill

my study buddies are out

… one is with her cousin trying out dresses for our night out on saturday and just… i think shes gonna eat ice cream

… and another is going to watch the civil war…

we got mad at the exam earlier and im speaking for myself but im probably going to fail again or will need to take remedial exams again… but at the end of the day, we just have to move on because there is another exam waiting to be read and answered, and maybe its going to take you closer to doing what you actually want or maybe not… but you take it anyway…

you love to hate it, and if you really want it, i guess you can always tell that you want to quit. but you wont.

Kampai

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